Article of MAXI by Anne LUCIAC
Traduction by Sélima AYOUB

Interview of Douce ALBERTINI

THE REAL SEDUCTRESS DO NOT NEED TO CHARM AT ANY PRICE!

- "Life and Love Coach". Is this a coincidence , if you put life before love?

No! not at all! Before love, we must bring order to his life and be "loveable", simply.

- The word "Coach" comes originally from sport, you who work in this business for a long time, tell us who is this "trainer" in the field of life and relationships with others…

A Life Coach (Coach of life) is a companion. Someone who supports you, who helps you on all plans, who opens our eyes to anything you do not see, alone…

- What are the qualities required to help the clients in their approach?

Mostly a great listening, tolerance, a sense of analysis, synthesis… Wanting that the Other feels good in his life and in his head. Having a true interest in the Other!

- What is the reason most often mentioned that drives your customers to contact you?

A malaise, loneliness they are feeling. Do not understand why they are in this situation…

- Is there a standard client’s profile? Is it mostly women or men? What is the average age?

No, the people who come to see me are between 18 and 71 years, women and men… I think that for the most part, they have not given the opportunity to correct their situation and, more importantly, they do not ask the right questions.

- Who should go and consult a Coach?

all those people who are at a crossroads and do not know which way to choose. This approach will enable them to make some sort of competences report of their life!

- Did the profile of your clients and their expectations changed since you started?

Not really. It is always about people who wonder key questions about themselves: what is the purpose of their lives.

- Why, in your opinion, is there so much loneliness in our society, especially in big cities?

Because French people are very individualistic and care little for their neighbors. It's every man for himself!

- Are the women expecting too much from married life? Did they become too romantic, unlike those from the former generations who were merely contenting themselves with an honest partner, reliable and capable of maintaining a family?

No. I think women from nowadays are demanding. They have been bred in knowing who they are. They have children. They work. They are lovers and mistresses women… They are also romantic and want companions faithful, present and reliable, if not they leave! It is women who seek divorce and leave, not anymore men!

- Did the women become too impatient, thinking about separation from the first creaking into the workings of their couple?

They especially have the choice today because they are financially independent and no longer need their husbands as "sponsors", and it was what was holding their mothers at home before!

- What are the most common mistakes made by women who come see you?

Foremost impatience… Impulsive, they do not know anymore how to make concessions: it works or it breaks. They have become intransigent because they too have suffered.

- Why some women reproduce always the same scenario that leads them to sentimental failure?

First because they did not mourn their last love story. They have not sought to understand and did not enter into a "Personal Development".

- When a woman comes to see you after a break up and seek your help to find a new partner, what advice will you give her?
 
When a woman or a man, comes to see me right after a break up, I advised him, first, to consider this rupture, to understand the reasons of it to avoid renewing negatively this story. After this thinking, I make him draft his story(50 to 150 pages), to understand how he functions, knowing his history, his life, to help him rebuild himself. This is called the "Personal Development".

- Depending on your experience, is there a limit in age to find the “fitting shoe”?
 
Absolutely not! I am sure of it. My youngest "accomplice", meaning the youngest person for whom I worked as a matchmaker was 18 year old and the oldest was 71 years old! So you can imagine…

- What do - you think about the saying that a 35 years old woman has more chance to win the lottery than to find love?

I think anyone who cleaned in his head and in his heart, can meet the love of his life! This is not a question of age, but more of availability. We cannot “band” his heart with a new love. We need to make it a real place, and to be prepared to host it…

- Do you agree with the saying "every pot has its lid"?

I completely agree… It is also said that "everyone has his half orange ahead."

- What do you think about this brand new English study which claims that higher the IQ (intelligence quotient) of a woman is, less are her chance to find an husband? And that higher the IQ of a man is, more he will look for a woman for lower IQ?

I totally disagree with the fact that the more a woman has a high IQ, the less she will have a chance to find a husband! But I agree that during the meeting, she will put on "hold" her intelligence. A man wants his wife smart, but not much. At least, not at the beginning… Once he is in love, at this precise moment, he will be proud of her, but before this point, he likes to "dominate" the situation! It depends on the type of man. The actresses Lauren Bacall and Katharine Hepburn played with subtlety with their intelligence…

- Why, in your opinion, so many women are feeling bad?

Because society wants them to be "super women" and that being an active woman + a mother + a lover, is very difficult. Women, unlike men, do not know how to delegate and men really rely too much on them from their education…

- Is it enough to go on diet, to change her hair color and hairstyle, to adopt a new wear style to really become another woman?

Certainly not! We need first to change, to be in peace with his "inner being", to learn to love and respect ourselves. Then there will be a revolution and a real welfare!

- What is, in your opinion, the secret of seduction?

The secret of seduction? Being real, staying yourself, listening to others, generous… serene before anything!

- Can any woman become a seductress? What need to be done to become one?

I think we become a seductress when we do not want to become one. The seduction is, for me, a mental way, rather than attitudes. You can only charm other when you love yourself. It is obvious. Everything else is litterature!

- What is your greatest achievement?

My greatest achievement is when I am told that "I put colors in someone’s life", that “someone feels light as a bird”, that “someone is happy to wake up in the morning” or “ find his life nice”….Simple things in fact!

My greatest achievement was especially, when I made meet a young Jewish man, and a young Muslim woman and they got married at the City Hall. This moved me so much and I've never forgotten them… In my opinion, Love has no age nor sex nor religion, love is king!


- And the most painful failure?

It was the day a man said to one of my young accomplice: "I can see you again, go out with you, but you will be never the mother of my children…." I found it very insulting. I did not feel the lack of generosity of this gentleman before. I did not understand that he took me, not for a "donor" of love, but for a "Madame Claude". I'm still hurt today!

- Is there woman that you can not help?

Absolutely! Those who have a past very and too painful, who must go into a real psychotherapy, possibly before me working with me. I prefer to steer these cases to a psychologist.

- Is there hopeless case?

Yes, those who do not want to question themselves: they will, with reasonable certainty, stay by the roadside!

- What do you tell to a woman who comes to see you, who feels like a fish in water in her own life, attractive, intelligent, realistic, and who can not find a partner?

My first thought is to make her write her life, her "memories". They will certainly talk to me and reveal to me where there is a glitch. I will have to make her understand the message, and see if I can assist her in his search…

- Is there place where you can more easily meet someone?

If we are ready for it: everywhere! A person in tune with herself, radiates, is luminous… In this case, we will always want to know her. I do not believe in specific places of meet people. This is not natural!

- What do think about this vogue of speed - dating, these expedite?

Men and women are in total inadequacy: women seek the big love, and men just seek adventure…

- And what do you think about those meetings via the Internet, where there are long exchanges of message without even seeing the person?

Virtual is never good if it stays. I spoke knowingly. You must quickly seek to meet the person and then only you can develop a real complicity… Do not stay in the virtual world. Do not create unreachable dreams. Be true: meet the Other!

- In your experience, did have the men changed?

Yes. The men are more vulnerable: they are been asked too much! A man must be able to show its fragility without putting into question his manhood. A man can and must be able to cry. Feeling weak is not dramatic!

- What is the most solid basis for a couple to last?

The trust, exchange and communication, listening and respect for the place given to the Other.

- Are there few rules that apply to all women who want to find a man and keep him?

I think that "keep a man," is neither good nor beautiful… We simply need to give the Other the desire to stay with us by trying to be "unique" and being loving, lover, mother, sister, friend… being multiple and tolerant, and by making concessions to each other!